Issue 32: Krissy – Founder of Royal Crusaders, Ms Atlantic Provinces North America, Cosplayer/Gamer

" Be proud of your weird."

TRIGGER WARNING: SA

Growing up, Krissy always knew she wanted to serve others and fix the things wrong with the world, especially with injustices. She often is told that she is an example of someone with 'Hero Syndrome.' Characterized by an individual who is consistently seeking ways to improve the situational hardships others are experiencing. From fundraising initiatives to simply accompanying a stranger during their most vulnerable time, Krissy dedicates time to improving the lives of her community.

In the pageant industry, titleholders consistently aim to help within their communities, trying to take on every world issue at once, often creating a sense of overwhelming burnout. Krissy is no stranger to these feelings. She recollects this expectation of titleholders that we must prove our community service initiatives. The reality, most of the community service is done behind the scenes; Krissy compares this to stereotypical heroes in comic books, as what we do is done in silence with little publicity. She recounts:

"If I am being 100% honest, this point in pageantry has always rubbed me the wrong way. I had no choice but to be open about what I was doing to be taken seriously as a competitor. I didn't want that. I wasn't helping for a title or recognition; I was helping because the world needs it in many different places. Getting recognition for something that seemed too natural and like an obvious thing that any capable human should be doing has never sat right with me."

As titleholders, there is an expectation of developing a unique platform from scratch to be seen as competitors. This aspect can be challenging if you are passionate about multiple causes, which most titleholders are. When Krissy began her pageant journey in 2004, competing with a solid platform was seen as a minor aspect that many contestants did not have. After taking a break from pageantry, Krissy returned feeling confused and overwhelmed.

"I felt I was bragging over something I had no right to brag over because the organizations I raise money for or volunteer with- needed the recognition, not me. I did not want to be recognized for the things I was doing. Still, at this point, I knew that informing people about the organizations without divulging what I was doing would shine the attention needed onto them."

At the age of twelve-years-old, Krissy was a competitive martial artist who experienced a life-altering experience; a 23-year-old stranger sexually assaulted her. Like most survivors, Krissy placed a lot of the blame on herself for not doing anything about it, "I was trained, so why didn't I stop him? I developed faster than the other girls in my grade, making me appear much older, so of course, it was my fault,"; keeping in mind, Krissy was still a child at the time. Due to this experience, Krissy noticed this internal moral struggle that went on for a few years. Wondering why this was happening, Krissy felt relief after receiving her diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) after a misdiagnosis when an individual is improperly diagnosed with a mental illness. One of the acute symptoms of the BPD diagnosis is the occurrence of childhood trauma and people-pleasing. For Krissy, this was her turning point. After eighteen years of persistent struggles with her mental health, this diagnosis allowed her to receive many years of proper treatment, including therapy. She began to understand a lot surrounding why she thought and acted a certain way. This aspect of hyper-focusing is a crucial tendency of BPD. Where individuals focus for extended periods on specific tasks or details—in Krissy's case, not wanting recognition for the initiatives she was doing. Having this found explanation for her thought processes, changing this wasn't easy. In addition, with this diagnosis, Krissy realized she had this innate desire to insert herself into situations where injustice was occurring. There was a time were Krissy found she would impulsively be involved in situations to help others.

"If I witnessed someone being bullied, even if it were an adult, I would put myself in the way, like a shield. I remember one time when I was 15, my father was a baseball umpire, and one of the players was extremely violent and caused a big scene. Hence, as the head umpire, after several warnings, he ended the game. The player followed my father and me to our car and tried to get a reaction from my father. My father did not react, but I did, and I told him exactly how I felt and why what he was doing was wrong and that even I - a child - could see he was being irrational and grow up. "It's just a stupid game - you aren't even a pro," I believe were the words that came out of my mouth ha-ha... This situation could have been dangerous had the player retaliated after I spoke up."

As Krissy began her journey of managing her diagnosis, she came to a life-changing realization:

"I was so passionate about being that hero for people. I wanted to ensure that nobody else would be hurt the way I was and have to go through the things I did. There was a control aspect, and my mind was also using it to control my own life so that, in turn, nothing bad happened to me again. While my actions were helping many people, the thought process was unhealthy. Once I was able to acknowledge this, I was able to start healing and put my energy into helping more constructively."

Through her own Mental Health trials and tribulations, Krissy created her not-for-profit organization 'Royal Crusaders.' Through this initiative, Krissy encouraged others to donate to various organizations each year. Allowing the recognition to steam through the supporters of 'Royal Crusaders' rather than herself. Through 'Royal Crusaders, ' Krissy created a virtual pageant allowing competitors the opportunity to discover their heroism through several areas of competition:

• An essay discussing what the competitors feel it means to be a hero

• Cosplay display makes them feel like a hero, a passion of Krissy's, from original costume to a mother-figure

100% of the proceeds raised through 'Royal Crusaders' was distributed to various local charities throughout the year. The 'Royal Crusaders' organization competitors received recognition for their efforts amongst these charities, providing economic and education opportunities. Towards organizations such as 'Feed Nova Scotia' and 'SOAR – Survivors of Abuse Recovering.' The proceeds will work towards a project dedicated to Childhood Leukemia in the upcoming year. Krissy's goal for the Royal Crusaders is to continue to support a variety of charitable organizations while providing the opportunity for delegates to cultivate their authenticity. "It's hard to be a hero if you don't know who you are or are trying to be someone you are not." Although Royal Crusaders is a charitable organization, a component of its purpose is to raise awareness and promote mental health transformation.

"One delegate came to me through her mother, who was hoping that doing something like Royal Crusaders would help her come out of her shell. She started as a shy girl who dealt with bullying and struggled greatly with her self-image. I have watched her grow tremendously into a brave, smart, and caring individual who is not afraid to show up as her authentic self and stand up for what she believes in. Seeing these kinds of changes in people is what makes it worth it. Even if I only have 1 or 2 people enter in a year- if Royal Crusaders can make a difference in their lives, it is worth it. Yes, we are giving to many different organizations. Still, it's also about helping the delegates who enter to realize their potential. There may be only one Royal Crusader- everyone is a hero just for having the courage to enter and show up as their authentic self."

Krissy would like YOU, the reader, to know:

"I am far from perfect. Just because I receive the proper treatment now does not mean I am healed. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when I post on social media showing a positive side of me and then fall into a deep depression a few days after. It doesn't make the happy posts less true- it just means I am human. It has taken a while for me to learn to be ok with that. I used to beat myself up a lot. I felt like my followers, friends, and family would see through me and realize I was a fraud. The thing is, I am not a fraud- it is just my brain thinking that and making it up. It's the Borderline that is making me feel that way. BPD is rapidly changing, so I can post something delightful in one second. If the air happens to blow the wrong way (ok - so that's a big exaggeration, lol), It can suddenly feel like I am on the verge of death - then just as fast, I am happy again. It is a continuous up and down. BPD is an emotion regulation disorder, which means we feel 110% stronger than everyone else, no matter what. Regardless of whether it is a negative or positive emotion. It can be exhausting. There are also hundreds of combinations of BPD, so not everyone who has it will be the same or cope the same. While there is no cure for BPD- not even a specific medication that can take it away- there is help, so I want to ensure that readers know this. If you or someone you love is struggling with BPD or suspected BPD - or any issue for that matter!- please reach out to me. It can seem hopeless, but sometimes we need a nudge in the right direction to start our lives on the path of healing."

Want to learn more about Krissy and her platform? Check out her Instagram

@krsykat

Are you someone who is a positive change-maker? Have a story to tell? Passionate about a particular issue? Contact The REAL Resilient Michayla Del Guidice for more information:

Michayla Del Guidice | RSSW., B.A., M.Ed. Candidate

Email: michayladelguidice@gmail.com

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